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[11 Jan 2007|01:59am] |
Yeah, I'm alive.
I broke my mother's camera earlier this evening. There will be photographs and stories of the August-until-now-and-future sometime soon. In the meantime, enjoy a moment shared by my brother and myself. Really, we are attractive people, just not when we're together.
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[28 Aug 2006|08:54pm] |
I'm sitting on a couch I was supposed to take home with me-- but for various reasons (including, shall we say, older parents with poor joints), it's stayed stationary. My friends are moving away from this place, and I can feel the magic slowly start to drift away.
Manda and Jon left on Wednesday. I ran out of work an hour early, creating a schedule on the fly. For thirty-seven minutes, I took in the sights at a local farmer's market with some of the most mentally stimulating people I know (I'm just saying that, of course: it seems that everyone in my life right now is causing me to re-think and grow at astounding rates.). I prepared myself for a difficult sendoff.
Manda became my student mentor when I started at my new high school. She played me songs; she eased my transition. More than anything, she was the first to challenge me in to becoming a leader.
Jon came in to my life shortly after. Together, they introduced me in to an entirely new way of living my life: demanding respect, and feeling confident about everything I am. Feeling guilty about eating meat, and asking questions about where my clothing came from. It's a different state of consciousness.
It rained just after I left the bus station, but only in short bursts. The sky was still blue, but the sun didn't dry me off. I stood at the base of an apartment tower, just below an exhaust vent until the dampness went away. My hair stood on end, but at least my clothes were dry.
On Friday, my friend Nazneen started her new life. My evenings for the two weeks prior had been devoted to spending as much time with her as possible. Making up for lost time. We made dinner two nights in a row; we took pictures and maintained the status quo. Solidified a timeless friendship.
Nazneen's stepbrother Jayson drove me home Thursday night. His car was almost out of gas, and he played musical classics in mp3 format until we got to my neighborhood. He urged me to close my eyes and listen to the rain as it hit the roof of the car and the pavement around us. Jayson let me out half a block away from my home and I walked as slowly as possible through the rain, listening to it refresh the world for another day.
Thai came to Calgary for an unspecified length of time, and we spent her last five hours on Sunday catching up. She lives in Edmonton-- three hours away, if any of us could drive. We hadn't spoken-- truly spoken-- in almost a year, but when we hugged on the sidewalk outside of a grocery store, it felt as though no time had passed. The conversation was easy and monumental, as we discussed the changes we had made/hoped to make/wanted to make, but were unable to. Our bulk-bin chocolate melted in the sun (my first major dietary relapse in months, but in good company), and we were forced to rotate under the shade of a tree. Tears were in my eyes as her bus pulled out of the station, because I finally remembered the caliber of our friendship. There wasn't any rain.
I'm waiting for Arinn to come home. This will probably be my last time in this space, and I can't wrap my mind around it. I'm trying to take in every detail that I can: The pattern of the fragmented light through the windows in the front room. The pattern of the gold-leaf wallpaper in the front hall. The places where the hardwood floor squeaks. I've spent so much time in this apartment, I never thought it would come to an end this quickly.
All the furniture (save the couch I'm sitting on now) has been moved out, and I can only rely on my mind to re-surface each area. I know that with time, the layout will gradually change, the wallpaper will become more extravagant, the couches fuller and the bookshelves biblical. Those changes are tolerable, and entirely expected. These memories, I can live with. I'm not excited for my immediate future, but I know that for my friends, life is going to be alright.
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[22 Aug 2006|10:57pm] |
I keep trying to write letters to people, and it never comes out right. If I told you I'd be writing something to you, please accept a note of apology. It's going to take me a while.
Dear Sanford:
( Read more... )
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[07 Aug 2006|11:28am] |
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My mother's minivan took the trip I wanted to make. Nobody in my family was in the van when it made its way towards the Sunshine Coast, but that's what happens when a car is stolen.
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[24 Jun 2006|12:37am] |
I can't get the image out of my mind.
We're on the train platform. She's having difficulty walking, the train is pulling in. Her body hits the windows of the middle car, and spins only a meter away. She's falling in between the moving cars, body in the pike position. My cell phone entering emergency mode, quickly dialing 911. I can hear the gasps of the other people spread further down the platform. My backpack drops off of my body, and I'm running to the help button. I hit the button eight times as hard as I can, not believing what I'm doing.
I connect to both emergency services and the Calgary Transit emergency crew at the same time. I'm trying to explain what's going on to both crews at once.
I'm at seventh street station. Someone fell in between two cars.
Which platform are you on?
Sir, which city are you in?
Calgary! Seventh street. Someone fell in between two cars as the train pulled in, she's hurt. I'm talking to both of you at once-
Are you on the phone with the police?
What happened, sir?
Yes, I'm on the phone with them. Do not let the train leave!
Eventually, some form of the conversation was understood. I finished with the police as quickly as possible-- they contacted the Calgary Transit crew. I put my head inside the kidney-bean shaped box and explained what was going on in full. My cell phone kept going off, my backpack was fifteen meters away from me on the station, and people were milling as much as possible.
I was told to make myself known to the police as fast as possible. My backpack was easily retrieved, and I tried calling my mother. In half a minute, how do you explain everything that just happened? I hung up on her because I needed to keep myself together.
I tried talking to four different men before getting through to someone.
Sir, please step off of the street
I'm supposed to talk to you, I was the--
Sir, get off the street now.
His hand moved to his waist.
I called EMS and pressed the help button. I was told to come and talk to someone from the police department.
Right this way.
I filled out the collision report, and tried to calm myself down. It hasn't worked yet.
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[22 May 2006|01:06am] |
I spent the night at Manda's, and left early enough in the morning to make it to my office. It was a Thursday when I woke up, a first in my world. I've always made the effort to only sleep over at someone's house when it wasn't a 'school night'. The term doesn't apply to me anymore, yet after fifteen years in the public education system, something has been engraved firmly in my behaviour.
Everything I brought with me I took with me to my appointments for that day. At first, I felt awkward bringing an uncorked bottle of wine with me on to public transit, but the wariness melted away once I realized I blended in perfectly.
I showed up at my office, on time for a meeting. Everything went smoothly-- I was able to explain the highly complex details of website development to technologically undeveloped management. Part of my mind was temporarily frozen, recalling an interview with a celebrity on television. I couldn't remember who it was (I suppose it's irrevelant now, most celebrities aren't able to distinguish themselves from the crowd), but she said that she wasn't able to work her cell phone, let alone her computer. I sat in complete awe of someone who wasn't able to interact with the world in front of her. How can people justify not understanding technology?
I have some friends who refuse to purchase cellular phones. They believe it will take over their lives; overcome their social skills and become popular recluses. It's a noble effort, and something I try to incorporate in to my life as much as possible. They are able to separate themselves from the celebrities, however: all of the technologically-disadvantaged friends are intuitive learners, and are able to understand and adapt to technological advances when they become relevant to their lives. They are able to distinguish themselves from the "creme of society" by their sole ability to adapt.
My weariness grows on a daily basis from people who will not try to incorporate new ideas into their lives. One of my closest relationships was destroyed from the issue-- I was able to adapt to changes, when she was content with being stuck in the past. I stopped understanding issues people have with adapting to change. It has become an "us-versus-them" mentality, some kind of philosophical war staged in my mind. I'm finding myself beginning to separate slowly from the crowd.
This world is based on evolution. For the time being, we still have the opportunity to decline from engaging in the changes.
For the time being, I'm content with where I sit.
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[19 Apr 2006|08:56pm] |
It's my turn to make dinner on Sunday. I'm thinking mango salsa to start, with a sesame chicken salad. I just need something for the core meal. Something Spanish or Mexican.. a fruity main course.
Google it.
"Fruity main course" will get me porn, Mom.
"Spanish fruit recipe."
Oh.
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[08 Apr 2006|06:47pm] |
If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction.
The difference is that one is friendly, and the other is not so friendly.
The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.
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[29 Mar 2006|12:37am] |
Her death gave me the strength for the best decision I ever could have made.
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[26 Mar 2006|09:34pm] |
Granholm to sign anti-abortion bill
Mar. 21, 2006 at 12:08AM
Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm has agreed to sign a bill that requires women seeking an abortion to be offered a view of an ultrasound of the fetus.
Granholm, a Catholic, supports abortion rights. This is the first time she has agreed to approve restrictions on regulations on abortion, the Detroit Free Press said.
For more than a decade, state law has required that women be asked if they want literature on fetal development.
"I think she looked at both the substance of the policy, and at the politics, and determined that a veto was not the prudent thing to do," Ed Rivet, of Right to Life of Michigan, told the Free Press.
The bill passed the state House of Representatives 84-21 and the Senate unanimously.
And I chant: I-am-glad-I-live-in-Canada-I-am-glad-I-live-in-Canada-I-am-glad-I-live-in-Canada.
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[18 Mar 2006|12:02am] |
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The ocean re-locates at night, stretching its boundaries and becoming a shapeless cloud in the sky- which in itself, is a loose term. The clouds wrap around the houses when they're built at this elevation, and time moves at a spontaneous, eclectic pace. As time - whatever it may be - goes on, it gets harder not to get caught up in the flow. It becomes hard not to get lost.
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[27 Feb 2006|01:32pm] |
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[25 Feb 2006|09:03pm] |
my personal dna?
yeah, it's pretty accurate.
right this way.
this is how i see myself-- if i come across differently, maybe it's because i don't feel comfortable around you.
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[13 Feb 2006|10:34pm] |
Everyone's got a special place.
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[06 Feb 2006|12:05pm] |
I NEED YOUR HELP.
I'm not above bribery or weird favours. In fact, I'm all for them.
Just a heads up, I've been teaching sexual education since July.
Tonight at work, I'm doing something a little weird. The team I work with is going online to do a chat about sexuality. Want to hear the kicker? We're NOT supposed to talk about CONDOMS, MASTURBATION, OR TOUCHING IN GENERAL. The website we're doing the chat on is partnered with the local Catholic School Board, and so we need to change our instruction to fit with the abstinence-only version of sexual education.
Everyone deserves accurate information.
This is where you come in.
I need everyone to log on to the chatroom and ask questions about sexuality. Anything you want to know, or already do know. Even if you think you sound foolish for asking, please go in and ask it anyway. We need to prove to the powers that be that everyone is naturally curious, and deserves to have their questions answered.
The chat room is here. (Click the link!) The CHAT GOES FROM FIVE UNTIL SEVEN MOUNTAIN STANDARD TIME.
Thank you so much.
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[26 Jan 2006|08:09pm] |
Some letters.
Dear iPod Nano,
I know you're in a rough place right now. Being popular sure does suck! (hairflip.)
But enough of that. Seriously, I'm getting tired of looking for you everywhere.
So, why don't you stop this shit and appear, already? My birthday was totally four days ago.
Thanks for your time (I'm assuming you're going to read this).
Yours,
Sanford
Hello!
I was in Market Mall dozens of times over the past two months, and I made a point of stopping in to CompuSmart to look around almost every time I was there.
When the associates shouted and swore at each other the first time, I was shocked. However, upon entering the store more often, I found that my shock wasn't necessary.
Admittedly, I swear occasionally. Generally not around people I don't know, and especially not if I was working a retail job. It adds colour to my conversation, at the risk of sounding mildly unintelligent.
Please give the associates a little nudge in the right direction in this area. I've got a sense of humor, but many of the people that shop in Market Mall, um, don't.
Thanks for your time!
Yours,
Sanford
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[21 Jan 2006|11:05pm] |
Happy birthday, Sanford.
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[12 Jan 2006|12:37am] |
"The main source of his apathy was caused by DSALJKASDASHLSADDDDDDD," my monitor prominently displayed. This was because my head was firmly resting on the keyboard sitting in front me. I found the irony in this statement both shocking and degrading. To be completely honest, I wasn't even sure what I was writing about, but I knew it had to get done that day.
My friend, Annelise, leaned over and tried to pronounce it, but got caught at the "LJK."
"Maybe you should try writing real words," she suggested.
The two of us were sitting in the school's library, trying to finish all of the random assignments we needed to do to finish on time for the semester. Alright, so that's a bit of an embellishment- Annelise was finished everything, on time and perfectly. I was doing overdue homework, and Annelise was looking online for the answer key for the test we both had in math later that day.
What are friends for, right?
( Fiction. Mostly. )
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